Saturday, 15 November 2014

BEWARE THE INTERNET. BEWARE OF MISCHIEVOUS EMAILS




It’s a bit two-faced of me to be decrying the Internet, given that this Blogsite would not exist without it; and given that I use the Net constantly, in particular as a research tool when writing my blogs.  But the Net is a source of much misinformation, and because it is largely unregulated it has become a repository of endless spite and malice.  Some of this stuff should not go unchallenged. 

Email could not exist without the Internet as its distributive network.  I recently received an email that pointed out the announced policy of the Dick Smith food company on the badging of its products with a Halal logo: the company’s policy is not to use such a logo on its labels.  The email quoted the official company statement, and then added substantial further commentary.  This additional material is rabidly racist, and has nothing to do with Dick Smith or his organisation, yet the email uses the Dick Smith name to provide some authority for the unpleasant views expressed.

Dick Smith has put a one-line disclaimer on his company’s website but, too late, the damage is done:  the hare is away and running.

A few words of background for non-Australian readers.  Dick Smith is an Australian original, and a very public figure.  He made a fortune as a retailer of home electronics.  Smith started his business in 1968, and sold it in 1986 to a major retail group – who have retained the Dick Smith name for their chain of retail outlets, doubtless because of the huge goodwill that attaches to the man himself and his name.  In 1999 Smith started Dick Smith’s Aussie Grown Foods as part of a crusade against foreign ownership of Australian food producers.  The company produces a range of foods processed only in Australia, and only from locally-sourced raw materials.  All profits go to charity.

Simultaneously with being a successful businessman, Dick Smith has been an adventurer.   He is an aviator (and was, for a time, Chair of the Civil Aviation Authority), and has piloted a helicopter around the globe: his exploits are too many to mention here - check his extensive achievements, and his full biography, on the Internet………trusting that what you read is factual!  Dick Smith founded Australian Geographic magazine.  He has numerous honours and awards, and is a significant Australian philanthropist. 

The actual (three paragraphs) announcement on the Dick Smith’s Aussie Grown Foods website was and is:

We have received a number of letters from people asking if we will be putting the Muslim Halal logo on our food. 
 

To acquire Halal certification, payment is required to the endorsing body and involves a number of site inspections of both our growers and processors in order to ensure that our practices comply with the conditions of Halal certification. It is important to note that this does not reflect the quality of the food being processed or sold – it only means that the products are approved as being prepared in accordance with the traditions of the Muslim faith. 

We are aware of an increasing number of large companies both in Australia and overseas, such as Kraft and Cadbury, who have obtained accreditation to use the Halal logo. We don’t believe they have done this because of any religious commitment but rather for purely commercial reasons. Perhaps these large organisations can afford to do this. While we have a choice however, we would prefer to avoid unnecessarily increasing the cost of our products in order to pay for Halal accreditation when this money would be better spent continuing to support important charitable causes where assistance is greatly needed. 

In the scurrilous email being circulated an extra paragraph has been added [bolding removed]:

We point out that we have never been asked to put a Christian symbol (or any other religious symbol) on our food requiring that we send money to a Christian organisation for the right to do so.

The email continues with the following words, using the same typeface and emphasis, pretending that these too are Dick Smith’s words [bolding removed]:

Others would add that money paid to ANY Muslim 'organisation' (and you had better believe it: these people ARE 'organised') can easily find its way into the hands of Islamic extremist-fanatics and murderers, irrespective of assurances to the contrary.  What other assurances do we accept from Muslims?

Oh, that's right, 'Islam is a religion of PEACE'! How less Australian can companies get, than to place money into the hands of those who seek to exploit us?”

Having attempted to portray its ranting as words coming from the mouth of Dick Smith, the author of the email then lets the bile flow openly [bolding, emphasis and colour removed]:

This is an example of how the leaders of Muslims in Aus/NZ are bullying large commercial organisations (especially in the food industry) into paying what is no more than blatant extortion money.  The amazing part is that these weak-kneed organisations (Cadbury/
Schweppes/Nestle/Kraft etc.) actually pay the large sums demanded by these self-appointed religious bureaucrats. Of course, the manufacturers promptly pass this levy on to unwitting consumers as cost increases.  Next time you buy a block of Cadbury's chocolate, look for the Halal Certification seal on the wrapper.  So, regardless of your own religious faith, you end up subsidising Islam.

The Council also controls the Muslim voter bloc which, as yet, does not have sufficient critical mass to make a difference - but give them time.  Several state jurisdictions are under pressure to adopt or permit Sharia Law in Marriage, Family and Property matters and some,
under the delusion that they are being progressively liberal, are permitting this. This has already happened in some local authorities in the U.K.  Google the U.K. Education Department's current investigation into the conduct of Muslim-run schools in the Birmingham area of England.

How many more warnings do people need?

The email is prefaced with the words:

You may be aware that "Dick Smith" chain franchise stores are being pressured by the Islamic
Council of Australia to gain 'Halal Certification' otherwise they will be proscribed and banned
from Muslim custom

and contains the usual injunction that accompanies such invective, to “please read
and forward”.

As indicated above, the Dick Smith’s Aussie Grown Foods website has a brief response to
this calumny.  It simply states that “whilst the first three paragraphs of the email that is
being circulated are correctly quoted, additional words have been fabricated which are
not Dick Smith’s view at all”.

In mentioning this sad episode I am making no comment on the Muslim faith or any other,
and making no observation on those food processing organisations that choose to, or
choose not to, attach the words of Halal certification to their product labelling.  I am merely
concerned to highlight – and to warn about – some of the vile stuff that floats around the
internet and is passed on by those wishing mischief.


Gary Andrews
14 November, 2014

Postscript:  I see from reports about a month back that the Dick Smith food company is
in financial difficulty through loss of buying support from the Australian public.  Annual
turnover has fallen from around $80 million to an unsustainable level.  Over 15 years
of operations its profits of $6 million have gone to charity.  It will likely close.   



 




Thursday, 8 May 2014

THE DELIGHTS OF SAKI




“Saki” was the pen-name of Hector Hugh Munro, an English journalist and author who lived from 1870 to 1916.  He wrote three short novels and three even shorter plays, but short stories were his metier.  I have been an admirer for a lot longer than Munro was in this world, and my recent re-acquaintance has prompted this blog.

There were two Saki stories in the compilation of tales that featured in the English curriculum when I was at high school.  They were droll, and they infected me with the Saki bug.  One, The Storyteller, was about three children in a railway carriage, driving their aunt nuts with their demand to be entertained with a story, and the male passenger who did indeed entertain them with a story; but while the story enchanted the children it scandalized the aunt.  It concerned a little girl who was horribly good - the combination of good with horribly got the children’s attention - so good that she earned medals for her goodness.  Then one day, when walking in the park, she was chased by a wolf.  She hid in the bushes – until her trembling caused her medals to clink together, and the wolf found her, and “devoured her to the last morsel”.   

“’The story began badly,’ said the smaller of the small girls, ‘but it had a beautiful ending.’
“‘It is the most beautiful story that I ever heard,’ said the bigger of the small girls, with immense decision.
“’It is the only beautiful story I have ever heard,’ said Cyril.
“A dissident opinion came from the aunt.”

The other story from school-days, Dusk, finishes with the ironical twist that is so typical of Saki stories.  Our hero, sitting on a park bench, is accosted by a young man with a hard-luck story:  stranger to town, booked into an unknown hotel, left his room to buy a cake of soap then couldn’t find his way back to his lodgings, and could he borrow a few shillings?  Our hero, benevolent but smelling a rat, says show me the soap.  The stranger fumbles, claims to have dropped the soap, is admonished, and skulks off.  Arising from the seat our hero sees a cake of soap on the ground, and chases after the surprised stranger with apologies, and some financial succour.  Upon returning past the park bench our hero sees an old man searching around…….for the cake of soap he’d lost earlier.

The schoolboy taste for Saki led me to acquire The Best of Saki, a much-reprinted volume of 38 Saki stories collected and introduced by Graham Greene no less.  I subsequently bought two companion volumes:  The Complete Short Stories of Saki and The Complete Novels & Plays of Saki.  The former collection contains the 136 stories, plus a 78-page biography of Hector Munro by his sister Ethel.

These acquisitions, and my admiration of Saki, date from the 1950s.  That admiration has recently been re-kindled by reading some of the stories again.  Back in 1995, to celebrate their 60th year, Penguin Books produced a boxed set of 60 small volumes devoted one each to authors published by Penguin during that 60 years.   Having owned the boxed set for nearly 20 years, and not having read a single word, I decided recently that its and my time had come.  One of the Penguin set has 14 Saki stories; and I am marvelling at Saki anew.

Saki was the master of the epigram, and in this he was the natural successor to Oscar Wilde – who was 16 years Munro’s senior (and, who - dare I say  - ironically, died at the same age of 46).  Consider:

Wilde:  A poet can survive everything but a misprint.

Saki:  A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Wilde:  There is no sin except stupidity.

Saki:  Poverty keeps together more homes than it breaks up.

Wilde:  A man cannot be too careful in his choice of enemies.

Saki:  You can’t expect a boy to be vicious till he’s been to a good school.

Wilde:  I can resist everything except temptation.

Saki:  A woman who takes her husband about with her everywhere is like a cat who goes on playing with a mouse long after she’s killed it.

Wilde:  Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

Saki:  You can’t expect the fatted calf to share the enthusiasm of the angels over the prodigal’s return.

Wilde:  In this world there are only two tragedies.  One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Saki:  It requires a great deal of moral courage to leave in a marked manner in the middle of the second Act when your carriage is not ordered till twelve.

In reflecting on Munro’s unhappy childhood, Graham Greene says that “he protected himself with epigrams as closely set as currants in an old-fashioned Dundee cake………..the epigrams, the absurdities fly unremittingly back and forth, they dazzle and delight, but we are aware of a harsher, less kindly mind behind them than Wilde’s.”

 Wilde’s epigrams seem designed for effect, almost as though he expected them to be recognised separately from their context, and hopefully one day collected in web-page lists.  Saki’s are more unobtrusive, more embedded in the story-line.

But Saki was much more than a scatterer of smart bons mots.  A notable feature of his writing is the evocation of his time and place.  In this he and P.G. Wodehouse are as one.  In a generous overview, critic and commentator Peter Craven has written that “Saki is the great offbeat Edwardian humourist and his savagery and his sparkle are addictive because they inhabit a world that purrs with leisure and grace and comfort, as though the prospect of World War I were the merest black fantasy that no sane person could dream of……..The upper class are filled with ennui because their lives are based on a lie.  Not that there’s anything unattractive about this world: it’s discernably the world of Wind in the Willows and G.K. Chesterton.  It’s as deeply civilised as the Empire ever got…….It’s just that Saki knows we’re all beasts…and the fact that he doesn’t care a fig, the fact that he is a comedian to his back teeth, is what gives these strange jewel-like stories their perennial air of  secret vice, their nonchalant brilliance and, against all odds, their enduring air of reality.”
 
Humorous writing, even when sprinkled with wise aphorisms, is hardly the flavour of our times.  But the real joy of Saki, overtrumping any perceived frivolity, is not the wit itself but Saki’s truly brilliant use of the words he uses to convey his humour.  But don’t rely on my effusions, sample for yourself:

“….the look a foundered camel gives when the caravan moves on and leaves it to its fate.”

“Conversation flagged, and there settled upon the company that expectant hush that precedes the dawn – when your neighbours don’t happen to keep poultry.”

“The archdeacon’s wife was buttoning up her gloves with a concentrated deliberation that was fearful to behold.”

“The fashion just now is a Roman Catholic frame of mind with an Agnostic conscience:  you get the mediaeval picturesqueness of the one with the modern conveniences of the other.”

“She was one of those people who regard the Church of England with patronizing affection, as if it were something that had grown up in their kitchen garden.”

“Personally, I think the Jews have estimable qualities; they’re so kind to their poor – and to our rich.”

“Reginald slid a carnation of the newest shade into the buttonhole of his latest lounge coat, and surveyed the result with approval.”

“….he dropped more money than his employers could afford.  When last I heard of him, he was believing in his innocence; the jury weren’t.”

“He had been staying at a country vicarage, the inmates of which had been certainly neither brutal nor bacchanalian, but their supervision of the domestic establishment had been of that lax order which invites disaster.”

“Without being actually afraid of mice, Theodoric classed them among the coarser incidents of life, and considered that Providence, with a little exercise of moral courage, might long ago have recognized that they were not indispensable, and have withdrawn them from circulation.”

“And now he was claiming to have launched on the world a discovery beside which the invention of gunpowder, of the printing-press, and of steam locomotion were inconsiderable trifles.”

“Bertie van Than, who was so depraved at seventeen that he had long ago given up trying to be any worse, turned a dull shade of gardenia white……..”

“He was in the mood to count himself among the defeated.”

“He belonged unmistakably to that forlorn orchestra to whose piping no one dances…..”

Hector Munro was born in Burma, where his father was a British civil servant, rising to be Inspector-General of the Burmese police.  His mother’s father was a rear admiral; and Munro’s life was not economically deprived.  But his mother died when Munro was barely two years – she was knocked down by an errant cow while on furlough in England awaiting the birth of her fourth child!  Munro’s motherless early life was spent between Burma and Devon; Devon where he was harshly treated by his two unmarried aunts, his father’s sisters.   He found relief only when consigned to boarding school; and later when his father returned from Burma when Munro was 17.

Munro himself spent some time with the Burma police (as did Orwell subsequently), and was widely travelled and a linguist.  Post Burma he wrote for a number of newspapers, including as foreign correspondent in Warsaw, the Balkans, St. Petersburg, and in Paris.   As they euphemistically said in earlier times, he never married.

In 1909 Munro settled back in England – small income, city club, and growing celebrity – the world of cultured urbanity portrayed in so many of his stories.    But as the world war approached he grew discontented with the facile London milieu that had provided him with the targets for his satiric comedy.  One result, in 1913, was the writing of a novel, When William Came, a fantasy about the German occupation of England after war, “and how a flabby society full of jokesters, hucksters and aesthetes would adapt to it”.  The book was not successful.  Munro’s other response to his own unrest was to enlist in the army straightaway in 1914.  At age 43 he was technically too old, but he pulled strings.  And he could have taken a commission, but he joined as a private, although later promoted to lance-sergeant

On the morning of November 14, 1916, Munro noticed a comrade lighting up for a smoke.  He shouted out “Put that bloody cigarette out!” and was shot through the head by a sniper.

Munro biographer, A.J. Langguth, in Saki: A Life of Hector Hugh Munro [1981], notes that Munro the unbeliever “did not concern himself with the relationship of man to God”, and shunned writing about love “in all of its disguises”.  Yet in the narrow range he’d left himself “he fashioned a comedy of manners that looks to be enduring”.  Saki is matchless, a story-teller with “flawless sentences on almost every page that could have been the work of no other English writer……….The humour comes less from his jokes than from the…absolute rightness to his language”.   So true.  Peter Ryan, the The Age’s reviewer of Langguth’s biography, notes that Saki’s short stories were “consummately crafted in language most direct and simple.  They glistened with wit and ingenuity…..”.

And, if further proof is necessary, here is some more of Saki’s consummately crated language:

”Mrs Troyle paused again, with the self-applauding air of one who has detected an asp lurking in an apple charlotte.”

“The cook was a good cook, as cooks go; and as cooks go she went.”

“…..for all I care his slumbers may be one long indiscretion of unsuitable erotic advances in which the entire servants’ hall may be involved.”

“It’s as bad as selling a man a horse with half a dozen latent vices and watching him discover them piecemeal in the course of the hunting season.”

“She’s certainly jolly, and quite all right as far as looks go, and I believe a certain amount of money adheres to her.”

“I regard one’s hair as I regard husbands: as long as one is seen together in public one’s private disturbances don’t matter.”

“It was partly compounded of old brandy and partly of curacao; there were other ingredients, but they were never indiscriminately revealed.”

“She was one of those imperfectly self-assured individuals who are magnificent and autocratic so long as they are not seriously opposed.”

“……bounding into the topic with the exuberant plunge of a hunter when it leaves the high road and feels turf under its hoofs.”

“She shut her lips with the resolute finality of one who enjoys the blessed certainty of being implored to open them again.”

Gary Andrews